
"Ugh, I'm so sick of getting crabs stuck on my crabs."

"Jimmy Kimmel told me this pose was sexy, but I think he might be messing with me."

“Maybe if I grab my thigh and grin, people will think I’ve got a huge python.”

“Mmm...tastes like Milo Ventimiglia’s penis.”

“What do you mean The Gap can’t use this pose for their ad?”

“Should I be worried that I’ve been itching ever since I got back from the Shire?"

“I can’t believe Megan Fox is touching my package right now. That deal I made with the devil was totally worth it.”

“Don’t worry Johnson, I won’t let anybody touch you in jail.”

“It takes a big dick to play a big dick.”

“This is MY babymaker and you can’t have it, y’all. At least until I'm done with it.”

"I still haven't found what I'm looking for."

. Michael Jackson
“Hey kids, you have to be this tall to get on the ride at Neverland.”