Paris HiltonPeople like to argue that Paris Hilton is actually a business wizard. But really, she’s just has rich girl street smarts. (i.e. she knows which bag is going to be “hot” - and then makes it “hot” by saying it’s f**king “hot.”) But if you don’t know how to use a shovel or fry an egg, then there’s something wrong with your brain. A f**king three-year-old knows how to use a shovel. Anyway, thanks for letting us see you naked…
Sarah PalinWe’re not saying Sarah Palin has a low IQ. I mean, she’s the governor of Alaska, for f**k’s sake! But she sure does say (and do) some of the dumbest sh*t I’ve ever seen. Obviously, the infamous interview with Katie Couric was a political abomination, her debate performance could have been better executed by a tree stump, and she didn’t know that Africa was a continent.
To top it all off, she just brought charges of yet another ethics violation against herself by “improperly mixing official duties and political broader political ambitions,” when she gave a national interview to Fox News. And while she was doing all this, she and her family were looting McCain’s campaign bank for over $150,000. What, did she think nobody would notice? Our guess is, yes.
Jessica SimpsonIt doesn’t take much to convince someone a blond is stupid. In fact, if you’re blond, it takes a lot more to convince people you not. And it especially takes a lot if you have a TV crew following you around, recording your every move. But the thing is, if you’re even a little bit stupid and you let people record your every move, THAT’S F’ING STUPID! I don’t care what it does for your career, after having gems like Jessica’s Chicken of the Sea line, I’m sorry, but people are going to think you’re an idiot. Sure can fill out a bikini top, though.
Ashley DupreUm, she’s a whore - not that there’s anything wrong with that. But as noble a profession as whoring is, nobody can argue it requires an above average IQ to suck d**k for a living. And if going down on strangers is what you’re doing with your life, something tells me it’s not because becoming a bio-chemist wasn’t challenging enough. To cut her some slack, it’s not like she’s claimed to be smart. But when you go on television and don’t even know that one of your clients is the governor of New York, that takes a special kind of stupid.
Kendra WilkinsonThis girl next door might have made a bundle off of being blond and having giant fake tits. But, well, that still means she’s just a blond with big fake tits. Even Hugh Hefner called Kendra “dazed and limited,” which I guess is a nice way of saying she’s dumb as a ball of pubes. But if you’re so stupid that euphemisms don’t even work around you, it’s time to stop being on television.
Brooke HoganLet’s face it, Brooke Hogan is lucky as hell she came out hot because she’s sure as hell not going to get anywhere with ideas. I mean, she can’t even make the right decision when it comes to wearing ass-less jean chaps. (Hint: You don’t wear them unless you’re auditioning for Brokeback Mountain 2.) But you can’t blame just her - the entire Hogan family has about as much brains between them as a Chia Pet. And If her father weren’t the most famous pro-wrestler on the planet, she’d probably be knocked-up by a 37-year-old wino and working at a bowling alley.
Heidi MontagThis blond Beverly Hills bombshell might be one of the hottest girls to come out of reality TV, ever. But she’s dumber than George Bush’s ass cheek. First of all, she was a fashion design student, which doesn’t exactly scream “intellectual powerhouse.” But then she couldn’t even do that! So she dropped out, saying school wasn’t “challenging enough,” which is just code for “I wanted to party and lay by the pool more.”
Things started to look up after Bolthouse Productions promoted her to ‘events planner.’ Then she got the boot from that. But the really dumb part is that everything that’s wrong in this girl’s life is because of her extra-retarded boyfriend, Spencer Pratt. Maybe if she were a single mom on welfare you might understand why she keeps going back to him. But not when you have more money than all of Detroit.
Britney SpearsThis chick is hilariously stupid. Everything she touches turns retarded. She shaves her head, video tapes herself doing drugs, marries F’ing Kevin Federline! I mean, c’mon. She doesn’t even know how to take care of her children properly, and that’s supposed to be at least half instinct. It’s like she’s huffing spray paint or something. You’d think after touring around the world she would have learned a little more than…well, we’re not sure she actually learned anything. At the rate Britney’s going, let’s just say she’s not gonna receive any honorary PhDs anytime soon.
Lauren Caitlin UptonThere is nothing I could say to convince you of why Lauren Caitlin Upton should be on this list more than she already said during her Miss Teen USA competition answer. It’s….amazing. Now, you might say, “Hey, she just had a brain fart.” But that answer wasn’t just a brain fart, that was her brain taking a dump on the stage. You just want to scream at her, “STOP TALKING!” And when she doesn’t, all you can do is punch your face to make the idiocy go away.
Kelly Pickler
This “Small Town Girl” might be the dumbest celebrity we’ve ever seen on TV. The country singer and former American Idol contestant might be ballsy, going from a roller-skating waitress at Sonic to an Idol star in no time. But wherever her balls start, her brain ends. To see how bad it really is, just watch this video of her on “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?” (It’s even worse than Lauren Caitlin Upton trainwreck.) Before this hilariously bad performance, her fans might have been able to convince you she’s actually a secret genius. But now, it’s hard to image how she gets through the day without wearing a helmet.
